#therefore doesnt actually need to be done by a human

[gibbearish]

hey cool that literally isnt what that said in the slightest

[dingodad]

personally the vriska calling him a pedophile bit wasnt out of place for me. Canonically vriska doesnt shy away from saying that scratch is a sexual predator, she does state outright to his face that he gets off on manipulating little girls in the comic.

i think "would it be in character for vriska to say that" and "does it make sense in the context of the story for her to say that" are two subtly but crucially different questions, though.

like, on the one hand: it has always been textually clear that doc scratch is not LITERALLY a pedophile. he's a completely asexual organism. by using that word to describe him, you're making the subtextual textual. and this kind of "saying the quiet part out loud" is something the HICU have done very deliberately since they took the helm of hs2; they are intimately aware, i think, of the fact that they are fans in charge of deconstructing homestuck for the entertainment of other fans, and that in service of that aim sometimes you need to be willing to have mature discussions out in the open. a lot of the time this has worked for them quite well, especially in terms of getting old readers back on board with a story which has in the past been overly subtle to the point of excruciating boredom. but sometimes it teeters close to the edge of "characters talking like they're fully aware they're getting therapy", and i think this example leans somewhat toward the latter. like, is there really anyone reading hs2 at this point who doesn't already have some understanding that scratch is a predator? who exactly did it serve to make that already blatant comparison that much more overt?

on the other hand... i get the impression that vriska is actually aware of this distinction, on some level? like emphasising the fact that scratch is a child predator is almost a sort of shield for her. the name of vriska's game in this chapter is minimisation; while it's super cool and heroic to admit that part of your tragic backstory involves a sick spider monster and a badass lady pirate, by trying to paint scratch as nothing more than a pathetic kiddy fiddler what she's really saying is that because he never actually molested her then she was never really abused, that she was never really a victim and therefore he was never actually a significant presence in her life at all. that's how she lives with it, by role playing as the predator to forget the fact that she was ever prey.

i think what i question about this is possibly that vriska would even know to use that word at all? writing dialogue that actually feels authentically like stuff trolls would say is another thing i think hs2 has had a rough time with ("that is a completely normal human sentence"?). the gay joke in the tavros chapter was funny because it had been a long time since we heard caliborn and jake do the same gag but it feels like they tried to capture that same energy with vriska calling tavros a "pussy" in this chapter and it fell flat. and it felt just as unnatural for a troll to say the word "pussy" as it did for her to say the word "pedophile". i think what makes alternia and its traumatic knock-on effects so effective is that it's often more insidious than it is explicit; trolls barely have the language to describe all the institutionalised neglect and abuse that is happening around them all the time because to them it's just how the world works! yeah sollux has that line about sex offenders and schools, but i think that basically serves to illustrate my point, because for the most part we all seem to understand that trolls don't have what we would be able to identify as "school" either: sexual abuse and education are concepts that, in the world of homestuck, exist entirely in the abstract; tropes to be evoked but not things that ever actually happen.

that being said, alternia is designed to reflect the structure of homestuck as a whole, and the reason alternia doesn't have sex offenders or schools is because homestuck in general does not explicitly concern itself with these topics. we understand that escaping homestuck and settling down on Earth C means settling down in the "real world", replacing the threat of time-travelling demons with real struggles and real problems, and as a continuation of the homestuck epilogues hs2 naturally IS going to continue to touch on sex and politics and all the other stuff that was delegated mostly to the subtextual in the original comic. i think the structure of this chapter even kind of alludes to this; tavros and erisol beckon vriska to relax for a moment and play childish games with them like she used to do when she was a kid on alternia, but by choosing to forge on ahead with her personal growth vriska is immediately confronted with the fact that becoming an adult is NOT like a webcomic, it's NOT all allegories and RPG battles; it can be sick and it can be hurtful and it can stop you right in your tracks just as you thought you were "making progress" toward "winning".

i just feel that by having vriska apply Earth C vocabulary to an Alternian experience right off the bat, we've skipped over a key part of her transition from homestuck to the real world. would this chapter have been any easier to stomach if it had been about vriska coming to grips with the fact that scratch was a predator in the first place? no, of course not LOL. i think my gripe here might literally just be with the word choice. like i believe the writers have it in them to express what they were trying to express here in a much more interesting way than simply having vriska say "lol he's a pedophile". yes, addressing something literally that has only ever been mentioned before in symbols and whispers is part of the impact of this update, but i don't think that has to come at the expense of the dialogue actually feeling like it belongs in the mouths of these characters

[wszczebrzyszynie]

would love to know absolutely anything abt doc in ur au... ur design is so lovely to my doc infested brain

Im not even sure where to start? Doc is not a prominent character, but hes important to other characters stories, namely Grian and Scar ... He is, above all, a master of mechanical modifications. He doesnt trust any form of genetical modification (in the form it is now its a very young, experimental and lawless field of science, although he wouldnt even call it that; its not that its risky or new, its... tactless, to him. He sees it as a disgrace to science as a whole), himself being more machine than a human at this point; he almost lost his life to an explosion. The entire left side of his face is mechanical, as are his arms (which are also switchable; he can switch his arm or hand for a different tool, depending on what he needs at the moment. Similar to Impulse, except Impulses arm is a normal budget one and therefore not very accurate, while Doc is possibly one of the richer man in the galaxy). After Tango helps Zed with his... splitting situation, Zed actually starts working with him

Doc himself is not a criminal. Hes one of the... middle men, willing to work for whoever he respects and whos willing to pay him, whether that be for crime or for a government (he is friends with Ren, who himself is mechanically modified in smaller amounts)

He lives in a hollowed out moon. No ones exactly... sure, how hes done it, or even if the moon was a real moon in the first place, but the entire thing is mechanical. Its impressive and also very intimidating. He probably has a few smaller moons similar to his main one; a lot of them look abandoned at first but they very much arent and he will hunt scavangers down. Which is how Tango gets to meet him

Ive mentioned Skar and Grian before because they are stupidly indebted to him. They... tried to rob him, caused a lot of destruction, so much so that it went way over both of their bounties combined. So instead they now have to do everything in their power to get the money for him and not end up dead. Sometimes he feels some sort of pity for them but then he remembers theyre both old and also wanted criminals. He has the unexplainable ability to track them everywhere; they dont know if he planted some sort of chip in their brains, or if hes just connected to every camera in the galaxy, but they cannot escape him

[itgomyway]

there is nothing to do, there’s nothing but you 🍥

i keep seeing people relate non dualism back to cause and effect. you do “x” to get “y”. how am i suppose to get this. how am i suppose to be aware of that. how am i suppose to be. and im afraid you got non dualism all wrong. because its just you.

everything is consciousness. you are consciousness. that is it. thats all. theres no physical world theres no imagination theres no 3d theres no 4d theres no infinite realities, there is no getting, there is no pleasure, there is no pain. it is just you.

that not making any sense? that’s okay. its not going to. you already know this. as consciousness being and everything you are knowledge itself. any concept of source or learning comes directly from you. your “self” already knows this. its your ego, the false sense of “self” getting in the way. its just you.

so then how do things exist? like time, what you see, money, other people, food, desires? they dont. theyre not real. none of that is real. why? because only consciousness is real. they appear to exist “physically” because you are aware of them presenting that way. its just you.

meaning doesn’t come first. you come first. you are the only thing that exist. and as existence you give existing things its meaning after they come to your awareness.

whatever you are aware of is what the human body experiences because you are a being of consciousness experiencing the human condition. you are not human though, you are consciousness. consciousness is the only thing that exist therefore its the only real thing. its just you.

this is why there is no separation. you as the conscious observer experiencing the human condition are conditioned into believing whatever the body experiences (your 5 senses) is real. its not. you are more than the body. you have control over what you experience due to your awareness. its just you

understanding that you are not actually human you are a being of consciousness playing the game known as life, you can transcend needing to feel validated by what you experience physically. the “3d” doesnt validate at all. its what i am most used to but as consciousness i know what i am. its just u

now let me be clear. the 3d doesnt exist validate me because i am a being of consciousness. however my ego, the false sense of self where my thoughts doubts and fears reside does get validation from “physical experiences” it doesn’t understand its not just experiencing it physically. the ego, like ur inner child, cannot comprehend that its not actually human, in control, or real. as soon as it tries, the human condition jumps in and brings up the thoughts doubts and fears. thats okay because thats its job. your job as the observer is to not react because you know its just you

the ego may be scared of rejection and thats fine. the ego isnt in control so let it throw its temper tantrum. let it cry, scream and shout. you would also let it be happy and carefree right? why is one emotion worse than the other if neither are real in the first place? its just you

with all of this, the main point is that it is you. thats all there is. nothing to understand because you already know you exist. nothing to get because you’re everything. nothing to “try” to be because you already are. its just you.

“how do i get-“

“how do i experience-”

“how do i become-“

“how do i be?“

its just you. you are. you got it you experienced it you became it so now be it. congratulations! its done!

© itgomyway

[gaslightgatekeepgirlbosscombat]

Group F, Round 4, Poll 1:

Propaganda under the cut

Han Sooyoung

queen of lies sitting on her throne of deception. someone else needs to send better propaganda please i just cant even put into words what a deranged creature she is. i love her.

John Gaius, The Emperor Undying, God

Gaslight: When he resurrected his best friends he took away all their memories and gave them new names. He never reveals to them that he was the one who killed everyone on earth in the first place. He really plays up the "benevolent God" act Gatekeep: As a God, everyone is vying for his Favour and he is the one who gets to decide who gets it. He also doesnt share his knowledge of how to become immortal without killing your best friend. Girlboss: Literally made himself God. Never strayed from his ten thousand year old plan of Revenge. Rules an entire solar system and is colonizing more.

Jod is a frequent gaslight and gatekeep, however he falls more under the girlflop the girlboss. All of his plans go wrong but goddamn if he's not trying. Horrible ideas from an even worse person. Whent above gasligting and just straight up wiped his friends memories. Gatekeeping the knowledge of the universe. Had a child he didn't know about for 18 years and only found out cause she showed up dead(she's fine now(mostly)), girlboss move. Had a threesome with two of the gaslit friends, this would be less gross if he wasn't middle-aged. Gatekeeping the planets(I cannot explain this one). Ressurected humanity but also killed a lot of cows(girlboss). Put the soul of the earth in a woman and then put her in prison(but not before killing half of the amigos). Anticaptalist, bisexual, father. He has babygirl energy

Killed entirety of humanity and the whole solar system save a handful of billionaires and their victims, then resurrected the sun and a select handful of humans, wiped their memories, and established a religion in which he is god for over ten thousand years. Also an ex-tumblrina (probably) and goth twitch streamer (definitely).

Killed almost all of humanity, the sun and the solar system and then resurrected some of them deliberately without their memories and didn’t tell them that he killed them in the first place, and also told them that he was god. Renamed his friends after killing and resurrecting them. Set up imbalanced and toxic power dynamics among his inner circle that led to half of them either killing themselves or being killed by the other in each pair in order for half the group to become immortal saints, something he didn’t tell them wasn’t actually necessary to reach that sort of state. Lied to the surviving friends about why the ghosts of the planets in the solar system were hunting them, he told them they were after all of them because of the way they’d become saints which meant they could never go home, but they were actually only ever after him. Also because of this lie he was able to manipulate them into fighting the ghosts and dying in the process, saying that they would kill him which would destroy the sun, when actually they couldn’t kill him and also the ghosts were after just him so everybody would be fine if they just stopped hanging out with him (this is true in a LOT of senses actually). When he decided to get new immortal saints he specifically asked for the heirs of the houses, who were mostly younger in the 16-22 range and therefore easy to manipulate especially after killing their best friend (again, he knows that isn’t necessary and is asking it of a group of teens/young adults). When one of the people who was successful appears to have done it wrong, he pretends to be a mentor or father figure to her face (knowing that that is something extremely important to her) while having one of his surviving original friends try to kill her without her knowing he was behind that. On the girlboss front, I think he kinda thinks he’s a girlboss more than he actually is one, but he’s so good at the gaslight bit he’ll have you believing that too.

[lavendergalactic]

+ young sheldon !! i love talking about young sheldon pls talk about something related to it in reps i beg of thee

OHH IM SOOO GLAD YOU ASKED!! HERE IS MY BIG INFO DUMP ON SHELDON AND AUTISM:

you know i actually started watching young sheldon then i decided to watch the big bang theory while locket catches up to where im at, but now i am watching the entirety of the big bang theory first and then rewatching young sheldon to get the whole experience because watching tbbt just makes young sheldon so much more exciting

be warned, LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF YAPPING UP AHEAD LMAO (also i am only up to season 5 of the big bang and season 4 of young sheldon)

i see so much of myself into sheldon cooper 😭 we are on a very similar part of the autism spectrum (except im not a savant like he is) and yes, i'm saying sheldon cooper is autistic, at first glance you might think "but lavender, sheldon cooper is an autistic stereotype!" here is where i'm going to say "yes, but also no!"

yes sheldon is a white guy and a savant who loves trains, which is a stereotype, but let me tell you something.. autism is a spectrum and with it being a spectrum- you're going to get guys like sheldon cooper LMAO

a common harmful stereotype is "autistic people have low empathy / don't have any empathy" but the reality is that autistic people DO have empathy, it's just that they don't show it in a way allistic people will notice or understand, therefore the stereotype: you can easily apply this to sheldon, a lot of people think he has no empathy but there are many moments where he does, in the big bang theory you can see he clearly cares for his friends and amy and in young sheldon you can see he cares for his family and paige and tam etc! (take the hot beverage thing he has as an example) it's just that he doesn't show it in a way allistic people would. and i think it's really nice that they added that to sheldon cooper's writing, i think that's really incredible that they wrote him like that and didn't put that harmful stereotype on him

another harmful stereotype of autism is "autistic people can't fall in love" and all i have to say to that is:

which totally debunks that really popular stereotype, if sheldon cooper is an autism stereotype, then he's not a horrible bad representation, he still is treated like a normal human being but with special needs which is great to see especially in an early 2000s show

yes sheldon adds onto the "autism is only in white guys" stereotype, but be mindful that sheldon cooper was created in the early 2000s where there really wasn't much autism research and sheldon would have been called "aspergers" too, which is a very outdated term. and i'm saying this because back then all research was done on white little boys so there's really not much we can change about that except for make more autism rep in media with poc and women so it's not just white men :3

it would be lovely if there was really great autism rep in the early 2000s but we dont live in a perfect world 😭 autism is still new and still being researched as we speak, and only now we're getting better autism representation in media which is perfect! and i need to see more!!!!!!!

with the "but he's OCD" thing, yes i can see OCD traits in him but to me he's more autistic, and did you know OCD traits can lap over into autism a lot as well?? i actually got misdiagnosed with OCD before getting diagnosed with autism, that's how much they overlap. and that makes me self insert into sheldon even more because so many people think he's OCD when no he's just autistic with a fear of germs and a big dislike of physical touch

"what about his knocking ritual?" yes he HAS to do it to feel comfortable ("*knock, knock, knock [name]" and repeat three times) but thats his only ritual he is shown to do and it's not like he thinks anything irrational is going to happen if he doesnt do it, autistic people like routine and show repetitive behaviour (it's yet another OCD/autism trait overlap me thinks)

i see so much of my younger self in young sheldon and so much of my current self in older sheldon it's actually so crazy, his need of having a spot on the couch, being really upset when things turn out unlike he expected, being pretty blunt and not thinking things through, self inserting heavily into fictional characters etc i really do think he's autistic because he has many of my autistic traits

i really cannot believe not many people are talking about this, they just bring up the fact he "has OCD" because amy said he has a single trait of it and because he has a fear of germs

and when i try look for more people talking about sheldon with autism everyone brings up the repeating gag of when he says "my mother had me tested, and i'm not crazy" but let me tell you something about that, mary in tbbt said "but i do regret not going to that specialist" in season 5 or 4 i think idk.. which means that was probably only one test and they actually wanted to do more but mary didn't do it since i'm guessing she doesn't want her son to be "crazy" (which she would have a lot of internalized abelism ofc 😭 she's an old christian texan)

about mary cooper, i think she also has autism too actually! or at least that's the side of the family sheldon got his autism from since autism is genetic, that's why she knows so much about sheldon's needs and really connects with it and understands it. she has moments in young sheldon which makes me think "hm this is giving high masking for your whole life autism..."

this is going on for way too long im sorry hELP ... uhh i also thing raj is gay, amy is autistic too, and leonard has BPD 😋 even though you asked for young sheldon all i can really think is "sheldon with autism"

i could probably keep going if you were talking to me and this'll end up being an hour long info dump but i think i'll leave it here for now

[deevotee]

i was already extremely suspicious of john brown but this chapter in the witch arc has pretty much almost confirmed for me that he is some type of supernatural being

i dont have the manga caps on hand because i dont want to get more spoilers for myself, but i do know there is a part of the manga where sebastian tells ciel he can make it seem as if his dead loved ones are actually alive through hallucinations or something similar, and i assume that it what's happening here with john and victoria

i think tho that the charles are very much human and normal, just very exceptionally talented, and they get confused by how quickly things get done around the earl, admitting that his servants are strange but we then see that john brown is able to get around extremely fast throughout europe as well (and i dont think its because of the queens trade lines) so they likely are not accomplices of his if they cant do this same level of travel and are mistified by it

also to add to this scene specifically, is sebastians reactions to john's words. he doesnt question how john actually got there if not by horse back and he does not question him being unaffected by the miasma, almost as if its an expectation that neither of those things would be a bother to him

he's also quite literal the way sebastian sometimes is with orders, john was given a very specific order and therefore he must see it done to such specifications

and i just have to say- it really does feel to me like they're talking with a bit of an inside joke going on, is it just me? the way seb smirks when he tells him to beware the wolfman, and the way john tells him to take care of the earl, idk it feels like they're recognizing the other's supernatural-ness and alluding to it

and we know sebastian is the type to withhold information on this type of thing because he has done it before, except this time instead of it being about a little game between them, he likely just doesnt think its a relevant fact that ciel needs to know so he just doesnt bring it up

im sure there may be more farther into the story but i could not stop thinking about this as soon as i read this chapter, ive had the theory john brown is supernatural for a while and i love seeing stuff proving me right

[blueskittlesart]

How’re you feeling about the persona characters so far

there are so many characters. i will give my thoughts on the ones i can remember

joker/ren/akira/whatever: WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HIM. theres something under the surface i can FEEL IT something is up with him. i need to know what. he also carries my entire team in battle because i have one of those free personas from the velvet room that i think come with the dlc (??) thats like fuckin level 76 so he does like 500 damage per turn

morgana: thought he was female for the entirety of the first 2 palaces. anyway. personality wise he's nowhere near the most annoying character which is an achievement for a weird animal sidekick. would love to know what the hell is going on with him. becoming more and more convinced he is not in fact human and is actually just like a cat that accidentally gained sentience or something

ryuji: best character in the game thus far and i mean that completely unironically. i love him hes such a good kid... like hes so earnest and genuine and i really believe the whole righteous anger thing coming from him yknow? it's not quite as strong with some of the other characters but his motivation for joining the theives was really clear and well-done

ann: i want to like her so bad. genuinely i do. but she is annoying. it's not her fault tho she could be good i know she could be. she is just unfortunately in a japanese visual novel and therefore she needs to be annoying and have her tits out at all times. like if they would give her a fucking PERSONALITY she would be an infinitely better character but her only hobby is literally Being A Model

yusukue: benched the instant i was allowed to do so. in general i dislike both the edgy-guy archetype and the honor student archetype (on men lol this doesnt apply to you makoto my love <3) and he is just. the worst of the 2 combined plus he says weird shit about ann every 3 minutes. every time he opens his mouth i want to kill him

makoto: QUEEN. her heals save my ass in battle constantly. again she has one of the better-written origin stories of the thieves which puts her pretty high on my list but i also find her connection to sae so interesting!! ive yet to see where it goes but i REALLY hope they follow through with that

akechi: 90% sure he can enter the metaverse, my evidence for this being one singular scene in which it was vaguely implied that he could understand morgana. aside from that im obsessed with him for the same reasons im obsessed with every other detective character ive ever come across in my life. detectives just scratch a special little itch in my brain man idk. hes everything to me and i sincerely hope the game ends with either him dramatically, emotionally killing joker or vice versa a la death note

kasumi: somehow is both the painfully generic love interest character and has more personality than ann. i hope her gymnastics tryouts go ok and my condolences for the crush on a gay man

takemi: i do not understand why someone liked her enough to put her on their car. very nice of her to illegally sell me meth or whatever tho

i know im missing a bunch of characters but these are the only ones i have strong enough thoughts abt to remember rn LMAO

[dreampearls]

Sorry i just need a place to comprehensively complain about how collei was handled

okay lets start off with how everyone who had eleazar for the past however many years all of a sudden was magic'd into able-bodied capability overnight. its not only a blatantly ableist trope with the implication that disability must always be cured, but also just really bad writing continuity wise when you look at how the withering zones are somehow still around despite being of the same origin as eleazar

collei's presence in the archon quest was reduced to that of a mouthpiece for introducing said chronic illness, which consistently left her out of the actual plot as a consequence. her illness restricted her actions beyond a reasonable level & just left me feeling like they used it primarily as an excuse to have One Less Character to deal with

the thing that annoys me so much is that her illness becomes the one thing defining her character. her case of eleazar is meant to be a tragedy that we sympathize with and therefore want to cure; and even then our sympathies aren't actually meant to be with Her because she's used as a setup/introduction for Dunyarzad. AND I LIKE DUNYARZAD i do think she narratively brings (*has the potential to bring, since genshin wouldn't actually develop this) a really different & interesting perspective on how illness/disability is affected by socioeconomic factors. but it also annoys me to no end that You Have A Playable Character With Eleazar Right Here and you didn't do Anything with her

as a character that's long been anticipated and has had a very troubled history with the archons/gods (literally was injected with the essence of a dead god and will always haunted by its ghost) I am So Upset that this was never touched upon or mentioned at all in the archon quest. the climax of the sumeru plotline was literally about the arrogance of humanity trying to attain divinity through the creation of a false god; something that was absolutely absolutely 100% relevant to collei as the subject of a similar experiment. her hesitance towards the divine (that was once a burning hatred that could very well be reignited) would have contrasted So Well with scaramouche's desperate attempt to reclaim divinity for himself. theyre such interesting foils but absolutely nothing was done with them!!

this one's a little bit more of a personal complaint but i really really really would have loved to see literally any modicum of collei's personality from the webtoon translated into the game. i understand her personality is different now because shes a character entirely about healing & moving on but. i miss snarky little 12 year old collei. i think she should get to be a little cold and weird and generally offputting still and it doesnt have to interfere with her growth at all. because as it stands the way she's written in the game makes her feel overly sanitized and forcefully palatable . if that makes any sense at all

[theorahsart]

hi im really sorry if this comes off the wrong way, but I saw your comic and I wanted to ask a question. thing is the 'gradient' version of the autism spectrum made a lot of sense to me. cause I literally do feel "a little autistic" (again I'm so sorry if this comes off wrong! I don't want to be one of those people who's like everyones a little autistic) I have a little bit of a lot the symptoms but not enough/causes enough issue to actually be autistic/asd. e.g. I struggle with eye contact occasionally - sometimes people look over their shoulder and I realise I've been staring over their shoulder instead of making eye contact - but again only occasionally. I occasionally struggle with sarcasm (I used to struggle A LOT but I've gotten better) but again only really a little more than average - not nearly as much as my family for example (I'm fairly certain my mum has ASD but I don't want to armchair diagnose). I used to be overly sensitive and prone to tantrums but not really any more. I am definitely INCREDIBLY PRONE to stimming. routines - I am very prone to routines, the only way I get things done each day is by having a specific order I do them in and I get uncomfortable when someone breaks that routine - but also my own inability to do things and manage my time causes me to REGULARLY break my own routines. I get overstimulated by lights/noises/smells, more than average but not really that much that its debilitating, and not any more often than my friends or family. the one that finally prompted me to send this ask - I just recently learned that autism affects motor control and I recalled mum saying both her and I have poor spatial awareness which I think relates to motor control.

HOWEVER again even though I kinda have a little bit of everything im definitely not autistic. I speak with a normal tone and I only have very slightly poorer social skills than average. I didn't have any delays in development - started speaking at the right time and all. also all my symptoms are slight and none interfere with daily living.

anyway my point is the "little bit autistic" made a lot of sense to me and I was wondering if you could consolidate what I experience with the points you've made? or maybe what I'm experiencing is just normal, maybe everyone struggles with eye contact, understanding expressions etc. from time to time, in which case im very sorry for wasting your time and downplaying autistic struggles

Hello anon! Thank you for the question- I'm sure lots of people maybe wonder the same thing, so I will answer as best I can (I'm sorry for the long answer, I like giving lots of context)~

So first of all, yes, everyone struggles with all the same things autistic ppl struggle with from time to time. As you say yourself, the only point to really have an autism label is that we need to separate the 'from time to time' from the 'has a significant impact on my life and needs exploring'.

Its messy and complicated and, since by its nature is a social difference, will probably be defined in a different way in the future and was defined in a different way in the past. But yes, ultimately, if it isnt impacting your life enough that you feel the need to explore the label, then maybe you aren't autistic.

HOWEVER

People are as complicated as labels for social differences lol I'm not you and dont know you. People who've had to grow up suppressing themselves in order to fit in, often learn to put up with a base level of discomfort that becomes the norm for them, and they think they're doing just fine and then realise at some point that they're really not fine. Or they think theyve had anxiety their whole lives when in fact they were surpressing sensory issues. Or they've never learned emotional vocabulary and had no compass to guide them in looking at their own feelings, therefore ignoring negative feelings. The human mind is very good at ignoring things and maladapting.

Basically, just because someone says something doesnt impact them, doesnt mean that's neccasarily true. So I dont want to answer your ask with a simple 'if you arent suffering then you're not autistic' cos thats not how human perception and self knowing works.

I'm afraid my very unhelpful official answer is: 'A little autistic' doesnt exist (it really doesnt, autism is too complicated for such a nice simple label as that!) but if you feel that label previously worked for you, then you may want to do some self reflection and think about why you felt you wanted or needed that label. Maybe you should reflect on the reasons behind the autism traits you feel you relate to.

ie. is your occasional lack of eye contact

- due to you fixating on the moments when you dont make eye contact

-due to you feeling naturally inclined to not make eye contact but forcing yourself to do it out of politeness

-due to anxiety/shyness

These answers could all mean you have autism or not autism for different reasons, but when you start to think about the why behind any of these reasons and talk to people about these reasons, it can help you to understand yourself better, which could lead to you deciding you're autistic, or maybe looking into other things such as ADHD, or realising you have some emotional trauma to deal with, or just making pecae with who you are.

But right now, the fact youve sent me a very long message listing various traits suggests you're not entirely at peace with who you are and are looking for answers! I would take that to mean that you *do* struggle in some way, or are at least feeling your experience is not a normal experience. This seems like a good time to start exploring how different you are or are not to others and what that means to you. I know thats a very therapist kinda answer, but I hope its some kind of helpful for you!

[myfictionaldreams]

hi! i’m that asshole anon :/

at the time i really was just very upset about the fics! theres so many people who don't care to grow and change, or dont care if it “glamourizes” that behavior. it was for sure a knee jerk reaction. i definitely should have chosen my words better and could've for sure been kinder. I do want to say that while the dynamics weren't good your writing is FANTASTIC!!! ive seen you on ao3 and your work is sincerely really good.

i'm sorry that my (rude) message made you feel bad, i think you are an amazing writer and I appreciate you coming back with a nicer response than I would've. I really do feel bad.

your smut is done really well, and i’m hiding behind the anon wall because at first it was just bc i have a *tiny* following. but now its because i’m so very ashamed at my behavior. i do agree that that was shitty and I don’t deserve any kindness or good will.

i can see that you’re a growing writer and I do understand how much those kind of comments can be. again you are a good writer. i think maybe reading those felt like such a shock and I should’ve handled it better, maybe come to you in private with respect and after cooling down. i only wrote that to you because I wasn’t seeing disclaimers for the ones that i was talking about (on ao3)

i sincerely apologize, I hope that I didn’t make you feel bad or discourage you in any way. I was far too harsh and I understand that we are all human and none of us are perfect. I wanted to explain my feelings, but not excuse my actions. i wish i had a time machine. and i appreciate you as a writer, and when the time comes I hope you can forgive me <3

Hi! firstly sorry for taking a few days to respond my personal life has been very hectic & also needed to think about what/how to say my response.

Right, firstly i really really appreciate you returning and apologising and understanding that way that you worded the message was wrong etc and it’s clear from this message you do feel bad and understand that it was wrong so I do want to thank you for that.

However, I really do want to emphasis how difficult these negative/hateful messages make writers feel. This message or any other hate messages I will always remember, particularly when its feedback for things that aren’t intentinal (such as the bdsm dynamic you referred too). Sometimes writing doesn’t always come across how I wanted to in my mind and doesnt mean that it is written with malicious intent. Furthermore, there are ALWAYS warnings on my writing that I do feel like people just half read and don’t fully take into account. Yes, I could have labelled it further to specify that the reader enjoyed to be punished therefore there was pre-agreed consent but as I said, it was one of my very first fanfics so had a lot to learn still.

Again, I really do appreciate your response because every time I reply to a hateful anon, they never come back and I feel like it wasn’t worth the response in the first place so I’m very happy that you’ve actually read my explanation etc and giving me another chance.

Just for future though, for you or ANYONE going to send a message, always do it with kindness and education in mind. It’s hard to see that you have mentioned that you have enjoyed my other work so you know my writing style and still felt that one fic was glamourising something so negative you felt the need to send me a hurtful and patronising message instead of taking a moment to think ‘oh i like the other fics, this one is a bit different maybe i should message just to clarify’ - instead of what was sent in the first place and just assuming that I’m willing to write abusive fics.

But anyway, all is forgiven because I really hate negativity, I hope you are also doing ok, I do believe you are sorry and regret sending the message so everything is absolutely fine, lessons are learnt on both end of this interaction. Sending peace and love ღღ

[apocalyptic-morals]

A ramble of my life-

I simply need to get this out in some way.

There are very few people in my life who would accept me 100% for who i truly am. but to be honest i find myself asking, why does it even matter? what does their acceptance do for me? i am fake- i am a mirror reflecting what i think other people want, and therefore to them that is who i am. i am who they think i am to them, a small fragment of their life story in their head. this is the first time i am being honest to anyone other than myself. i simply lack empathy for most people. im not stupid, im not socially inept. i know what reactions matter to what topics, i know when to act sensitive, when to seem warm and open. i know how to make myself cry at funerals, i know when to laugh at peoples jokes. i know when i should seem to care.

alas, i am not completely emotionally empty. the only emotionally bonding experience i am able to have is with animals, such as cats, dogs, birds, anything. i have absolutely no clue why this is the way it is for me. i have bear witness to many morbid obscurities, as a matter of fact i am pursuing forensics since blood and g*re doesnt bother me. however, the first time i felt any tears on my face in many years was actually recently, when i put my dog down. i cant remember the last time i felt happiness.

i truly wish i wasnt this way. in the same way people try NOT to care about things, ive done all i can to force myself to care. im not even considered a loner- i initiate social interactions all the time. i have a partner, a family, friends. i feign these interactions because it seems like it should be normal- if i didnt, my family would be worried, and would try and seek me help. this honestly seems like a hassle over something that cannot be tamed, out of convenience i am a mirror to their views on me. to everyone i am me, to me i am no one. i was raised to care about the people around me, i was raised to be kind and loving, to be normal and so as to keep up this façade, i do everything i can to live up to their expectations.

at the same time, i know its not normal to not react to things properly. if i had it my way, id be a hermit. very few things make me feel happiness, very few things make me feel sadness. very few things bring emotion out of me. this lack of emotions would make me seem like an asshole in many settings. for example, at work, someone who had a dairy allergy received cheese on their sandwich. even though i knew and understood the severity of the situation, i just simply couldn't care. in my head, i made the situation right for me, out of my own convenience. i could even go so far as to say had that lady taken a bite and something terrible happened, i still wouldn't care. any tragedy in my life that has occurred regarding people, i just don't feel anything about. im j hollow all the time.

my partner and mines bond is the closest to a genuine bond ill ever have with a human- its because they are kind enough to try and figure me out. they are the only person to make me want to continue life, and thats good enough for me to keep trying for them. however, i have absolutely no clue what love is. i don't think my partner would want to stay with someone like me for very long when they have so much affection to give, so theres no point in searching for answers. if they stay, they stay. if they go, good for them. they are the only person ive discussed this with. i dont know if they want to fix me, or what they want, but for now i don't mind their presence. living with them is convenient anyways, to say the least.

to put an end to this rambling, theres only one more thing id like to mention. whether or not theres a reason why i am the way i am, it doesnt matter. i am who i always have been, and i cant change. someone i do look up to is the character from dexter, dexter morgan. other than the fact i have 0 interest in pursuing homicide as a hobby, hes someone i see myself in in a sense where his sense of self is very similar to my own views. he fakes it till he makes it, and goes after his motives and goals (even though theyre completely different from my own). i look up to him because he eventually is able to form somewhat genuine relationships with others, and throughout the series you see a plethora of emotions shine through him. i simply hope i can do the same.

[candy8448]

So i rambled for way longer than i thought i would and may have gone totally off track from where the original post went. I just had to talk with my own ongoing experience with religion and how i was made to learn about it. ill just copy and paste the last paragraph as a tldr

TLDR: Its useless to raise your child as a christian if all you are doing is enforcing routine and rules without giving a reason or meaning for them, in fact, it can leave them more lost and leave them to either abandon it, or force them to pick up pieces on their own.

---------

I agree, but depending on how its done, it can be way too overbearing. I grew up in an extremely orthodox christian family and my mum was really strict in what we had to do.

Of course praying and going to church is important but the problem was that we would go to an arabic church so when i was little, indid not understand a word, and that's why i started to feel that church was a massive waste of time. It was meaningless to me and even when we went to an english mass, my mum didn't explain what was going on so i still didnt understand the meaning of what was being said and still found it a waste of time. (I still to this day get irritated when going to church because of this, old thoughts stick sometimes)

My mum also wouldn't teach us the meaning of praying properly. Obviously its talking to God but to me it was just reading words that made no sense to me from a pre-made book. I never learned how to acctually open my heart to God and actually feel like im talking to him.

Those were the main reasons why i hated being a christian, i was just not taught what any of it meant in a way i could understand and it was being pushed way too strictly onto me and too often when i didnt even know what the point was.

I also cant bring myself to go to confession because sure, maybe a priest has permission to forgive sins but i thought God was able to hear us praying and that if we really wanted to be forgiven, surely God will understand if we do it through prayer and not have to talk to someone about our sins, surely he understands how difficult it can be confronted by another human who you feel is still on a human level and therefore has no reason to hear what i want God to hear?

Many questions ive had have been dismissed by my mum and by others at church by "it's what God wants us to do" or "it's what's in the Bible" when i wanted a meaning behind it. And when i express my doubts of being christian, they just "solve" it by enforcing everything harder, which is what drew me away in the first place, even when i express what the problem is.

Ive also noticed way too many things im told to do or beliefs that are told i should believe that i feel directly contradict something else ive heard before or what im taught that God is like and it just makes the entire idea of the Bible so trivial to me.

I will admit, i do still feel doupt about being a christian. Dont get me wrong, i certainly believe in God and that he exists, there is no doupt in that, but i still find it difficult to do "what the Bible says" because ive never been given a reason to care about it.

And ive been trying to figure out how to fix that, but the problem is that i have to on my own. I pay attention to church now, but only because im old enough to be able to decipher the meaning on my own. I never feel close when im "praying" where i force myself into a room and read out pre-written psalms from the agpya, i feel close to God when i have a question for him randomly in the car, and i just stop my thoughts to ask them, and even if i dont get a direct answer, i often feel much better, or when i feel like i need to say something to him while im walking randomly, but all i was taught was to robotically read out stuff to "speak to God" instead of being taught that maybe prayer doesnt need to be a structured thing to be real.

Ive had to figure it all out on my own, and still i have so many unanswered questions and so many doupts because my mum never actually taught me the meanings behind them.

Its useless to raise your child as a christian if all you are doing is enforcing routine and rules without giving a reason or meaning for them, in fact, it can leave them more lost and leave them to either abandon it, which i was so close to doing many times before, or force them to pick up pieces on their own.

Yes i believe in God and many things ive been told again and again stuck with me, and i still think certain things that i was taught all because i was raised "like a christian", it is better than raising your kid completely without it if you believe in it, but i really think that if you are going to raise your kid as a christian, then really do raise them as a christian and not raise them like following a rulebook

Also allow the child to make their own interpretation on what they learn, the Bible has been translated hundreds of times and meaning can change. Let them contradict you if they think something different as long as it doesnt hurt anyone (being lgbt+ for example doesnt hurt anybody!) Being a christian to me is having your own connection with God, not being forcefed beliefs even if you do explain them properly.

“Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.” – The Family: A Proclamation to the World

I’ve seen a lot of people giving up on the idea of the family and the gospel lately, so I felt like I should share. There is nothing broken about the ideal of a family with a father and mother and children, all striving to live as Jesus taught. Not all families look like this, and not all families that try to follow the gospel are happy, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with the idea. It is still worth striving for.

If you ever worry that you are somehow doing your child a disservice by teaching them what you believe and encouraging them to follow the commandments you believe in, consider whether they would really be happier without it, and whether they would find it on their own. Without your active, positive influence, they will be far more susceptible to the adversary, who will not step back just because you do. He does not have their best interests in mind. The world needs parents who care enough to show their children the path. It is up to the child to decide whether to walk it.

[baxndaid]

#BEDEVIL

characters ; XIAO, VENTI

prompt ; yandere/possessive mfs ;frown;

notes/warnings ; toxic, no established relationship, suggestive?? ish idk LMFAO also xiao ty for coming home u can stay with mommy raiden and babe venti

i . xiao

xiao is already protective as it is, so this mf would kinda just,, liek,, creep around you for a while!! just for ur safety like tf u judging him for⁉⁉ he still wonders abt his karma and the dangers of being around him, which is the main reason why he stays away from you. but his karmic debt doesnt stop him from watching you

xiao saw you regularly with zhongli by your side. all you did was talk and nod your head as the old god recited his usual stories and life-lessons. he found it amusing, your tired and sleepy face as you lean on the palm of your hand and pretend to understand what the archon was saying half of the time, but he would never linger on it too long. the adeptus would ask about you sometimes, he did wonder why a normal, human, mortal like you, hung around with a retired deity. but, he did know that zhongli wished to live a mortal life, so it didnt surprise him when he told him that he simply enjoyed your lovely presence. he scoffed after leaving, wondering what was so incredible about your oh, so called "lovely presence." he didnt resent you, you havent done anything to him after all and he was a fair man. so, he simply observed you from the side lines. studying your antics, silently listening to your late-night rants, huffing at your small mistakes and stutters, looking around your booked hotel room at the inn, taking articles of your clothing, learning your daily routine, he truly became your shadow, following you everywhere you went. he convinced himself, hes doing this for you. its a dangerous world out there and he needs to be the one to keep you safe. who else would do it? he experienced his fair share of fights and was trained well in terms of combat, he was the perfect candidate to protect you. and that is exactly what he did.

you were walking back from completing a few extra commissions with lumine and paimon, arms looped together. it wasn't that you two were in a relationship or anything, but you both enjoyed to hold hands/arms while walking together for comfort. a kind, sweet gesture of friendship. sometimes he wished that he could just show up and magically be close to you like lumine was, so you would walk with him, hold hands with him, love him. but for now, he could live with just daydreaming. perhaps, he'd have to pay a little visit to lumine? just for pointers, of course :)

ii . venti

you mfs should know by now that i go feral when i write for venti bro idk just something awakens and i go nuts, like theres something SO ironic and cool abt a literal god of freedom going against his own beliefs and purpose,, in other words its hot ex dee LMFAOO SHOULD I MAKE A ACTUAL (CHAPER) STORY with a nun!reader (comment yes pls i want to so bafd)

venti always kept his eyes on you, as a nun, you were his loyal worshipper, and therefore, you should dedicate your life to him. in other words, you belong to him. this is what he said to himself, of course. to justify it, if you will. to justify his constant staring, the accidental bumps and touches and strokes on the streets of mondstat, harsh winds blowing your uniform upwards when hes around, and the convenient disappearances of those you talk to on a regular basis. but its all just a bit of fun! hes just messing around! its your fault you take it so seriously! he always laughs and giggles whenever you swat away his grubby hands from your body, he loves the annoyed look on your face whenever he pesters you and makes flirtatious remarks while you are on duty. you always hated it, but you didnt want to be rude and kick the poor man while he was down. to you, he was just the local bard, with a limited amount of mora and an alcohol addiction that he struggles with. to venti, he was a wolf in disguise, the superior, and it excited him. it excited him whenever you would pray to him daily with sweet and innocent intentions, and then soon later that day, scold him for making a perverted joke with disgust clearly imprinted onto your face while doing so. he laughs at your attempts to flee too, didnt you know that the wind will always follow?

NAVIGATION ♡

[zabadi]

YAY YOU SAW THE MOVIE OF ALL TIME i need to hear more of your thoughts about eeaao if you're willing to share because. i feel like it's a movie that just like profoundly spoke to me about particular philosophies i have and i see that you also resonated with it

oh man ive had a long day and im still kinda reeling from it to be honest but god such a wonderful movie. its an almost perfect specimen of genre fiction and more broadly metaphor as a storytelling device bc the whole point of genre fiction (to me anyway) is that it uses these fantastical or otherworldly conflicts as metaphors for the most everyday human emotional conflicts. it catastrophizes things as commonplace and simple as a child's wish for their parent's love into a fractured consciousness spanning the infinite universe or a black hole that ruptures the fabric of reality. and even though we as the viewers dont understand what it would be like to deal with a conflict on that scale, the emotions being dealt with through the metaphor of the multiverse are so real and so recognizable that the conflict becomes real and recognizable as well. yeah it's an infinite web of real concrete universes with infinite possible alternate selves but really it's the fundamental diasporic question of What if I never left home? yeah it's a black hole that ruptures the fabric of reality created by a being of godlike power but really it's just a young woman tired of the world and her lot in life contemplating suicide. perfect use of metaphor! literally perfect!

And god the CIRCLES! the CIRCLES. the unending turmoil of a human life. you're never going to get back where you were as a kid but that kid will always exist. life is meaningless and therefore not worth living. also, life is meaningless and therefore worth living. thats something i really loved abt this movie was that like. Materially not much changes aside from evelyn's consciousness fracturing like joy's yk? there's no big sci fi resolution where they return to their home universes and live happily ever after. the circle doesnt break because there's not really a way to opt out of the craziness of your life. you're always going to be thinking about where you were and what you did and what you could've done and no matter how hard you try you're going to make decisions w consequences that you're going to struggle to live with. What matters isnt breaking the circle But there's always a different way to see things. theres the bagel, darkness enclosing light, and theres the googly eyes, darkness at the center of light. i see the good side not because im naive but bc how can i live otherwise? the laundromat represents both the endless tedium of their lives and a haven of comfort and love. Lauryn hill was so right when she said everything is everything

and on a level joy knows that from the very beginning! like she's overwhelmed and depressed and despairing that anything could ever get better bc life is meaningless. but when u look at the performance involved with her shenanigans..like the dancing the makeup the costumes! on a level she knows the meaning of life is just what you make it bc she wouldnt have constructed this elaborate theater around the bagel if she didnt get some kind of pleasure or satisfaction from it. it's fun! it's meaningless but she gets something from it! and of course that's not enough she needs the love and support from the people she loves to actually pull her back from the brink but i just love that from the very beginning she's so desperately human even with this insane godlike power she's just looking for something that makes her want to live

like it's an incredibly overwhelming and busy movie but with everything going on it has such a simple profound center to it which is just. Choose love! choose TO love. choose to be forgiving and kind. Bc love and faith are what give life meaning but they are also things that take immense strength to maintain. life doesnt just have a meaning hidden at its heart waiting for you to find. it takes effort and strength to continue to have that love and faith that make life worth living but literally what else can a person do? how else can a person live? Love must be made anew like bread etc.

and it doesnt feel preachy either! it's easy for such a simple message to come off as an out of touch platitude but the dialogue and the story and the acting and the chemistry btwn the characters makes it all so heartfelt! it's lighthearted without making a joke out of itself! the characters are so human and care for each other so much that when the core of the movie becomes clear it feels so so earnest and genuine it actually settles into you it makes it so easy to empathize with and internalize. in my experience its really hard to share simple but essential truth like "be kind" without seeming preachy or shallow bc its the kind of thing that no matter how many times you hear it only really hits you when you are able to internalize it. and this movie just does a beautiful earnest job of it

im gonna stop bc im too tired to make sense anymore lmfao but this is the first time in years ive watched a movie and it jumped to my top 5 within the first hour. excellent excellent movie i am going to think abt it for the rest of my life

[vilelittlecritter]

Mf's really play a video game about the complexity of human emotions, grief, that bad actions do not define us as people, that we can grow and change as people and that ultimately honesty and loving with all your heart is vital to living life to its fullest.

And then proceed to demonise characters that are severely mentally unwell and in dire need of ALOT of therapy.

There's a post on this website that says something along the lines of "Fictional characters are vehicles for the story and therefore shouldn't be held to the same accountability as real people" and I feel that especially in Omori NOBODY CAN FUCKING GET THAT.

Yes what these characters have done is bad but does it justify the abuse and pain they have received? Fuck no!!! Basil is a mentally unwell child put in a situation he should have never got into in the first place! Sunny was nothing more than scared and wanting to escape a stressful situation! Mari was having to deal with the constant stress and pressure of performing at her best or she'd be considered a failure! Aubrey is a girl who has been nothing but kicked to the curb her entire life and has the world out to get her! Kel has been ignored and considered a problem child his entire life and has only had himself as support so resorts to repressing his emotions as to not be a burden! And Hero like Mari is so burdened by expectation and performing alongside having to grieve over the love of his life seemingly taking her own life and him having to deal with the earth shattering guilt that it was his fault!!!

THESE CHARACTERS ARE FLAWED AND THAT IS THE POINT OF THE STORY!!!

THE STORY IS ABOUT HOW MENTAL ILLNESS, DEPRESSION, TRAUMA, ANXIETY, GRIEF, ANGER AND THE EXPECTATION TO APPEASE OTHERS AFFECT US AS PEOPLE AND THAT THEY CAN CAUSE US TO ACT IRRATIONALLY AND HARMFULLY BUT THESE ACTIONS DO NOT DEFINE US AS PEOPLE!!!

THIS IS A STORY ABOUT ACCEPTING FLAWS AND THAT WITH TIME AND EFFORT WE CAN OVERCOME THESE EMOTIONS.

HOW DO PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND THIS IT IS LITERALLY THE MAIN FUCKING THEME OF THE GAME. IT IS REALLY NOT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND!

FUCK

NONE OF THESE CHARACTERS ARE 100% MORALLY GOOD OR BAD BECAUSE THEY ARE PEOPLE. THEY ARE FLAWED. IF THEY WERE JUST GOOD OR BAD IT WOULD BE A PRETTY SHIT STORY.

THIS GAME ISN'T ABOUT WHO'S THE MOST AT BLAME IT'S ABOUT LOVE.

LITERALLY MY FAVOURITE LINE IN THE ENTIRE GAME

"Just because you've done something bad, doesn't mean that you're a bad person!"

IT'S LITERALLY SAID OUTRIGHT.

IN TIMES OF PAIN WE DO BAD THINGS TO OURSELVES AND OTHERS, BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN WE ARE INCAPABLE OF LOVE OR FORGIVENESS.

THIS GAME GENUINELY CHANGED MY LIFE BECAUSE I PLAYED IT WHEN I WAS AT SOME OF THE LOWEST POINTS IN MY LIFE AND HELPED ME UNDERSTAND MYSELF ALOT BETTER AND SHOWED ME THAT ALTHOUGH ITS HARD LIFE IS WONDERFUL AND WE ARE CAPABLE OF LOVE AND KINDNESS.

ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS DESERVE LOVE AND IF I SEE ANOTHER BITCH TRYING TO SAY "well actually basil is evil-" or "aubreys a giant bitch-" I AM GOING TO LOSE MY SHIT.

DO NOT HAVE AN OPINION ON THE COMPLEX NARRATIVE IF YOU ARE UNWILLING TO UNDERSTAND SAID COMPLEX NARRATIVE...

Anyway thank you for coming to my ted talk

Sorry for ranting but I hate how some people interpret these characters as just "good or bad".

Whether you forgive these characters for what they've done is up to you but you absolutely must understand why they did what they did.

If i see one more take about Basil deserving to be bullied by Aubrey because "covering up a murder is worse than bullying someone" (even though Aubrey was bullying a clearly depressed and suicidal person for years and she was one of the reasons along with the other ones Basil killed himself in the neutral ending) i'm going insane